Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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