look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
