Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
