we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
