I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
you had me at cake vodka
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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