It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We left the knife in your bed.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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