are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
