woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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