i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
