I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
