well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize