anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
