census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
