Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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