I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
