I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize