in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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