You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
