If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
