Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
