its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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