Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
