Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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