i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize