I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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