I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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