i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Randomize
