So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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