what day is it and did you see me today?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
