so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
