she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
