I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
