John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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