it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just googled if crying burns calories
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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