I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
