I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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