i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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