I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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