SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
either way he was missing a nipple.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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