He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
