Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
