A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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