now i know why i became what i already was.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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