I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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