I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
