My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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