thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you would pick up someone in the library
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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