I love black thongs
Ketchup is God's man juice
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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