Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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