you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
