You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
