sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize