so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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