I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My dick has a subreddit
I'm sobbing to NWA
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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