Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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