An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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