so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Two words: blizzard sex
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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