I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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