Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
