You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Even my vagina gasped.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
