I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
