How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
