mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
