he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize