So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
