he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
