Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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