saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
