If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
