I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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