i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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