I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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