you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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